


All But One

by Nazezdha321



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Did I Mention Angst?, Very Very Angsty, i am very sorry for all the angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-06 05:22:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21221264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nazezdha321/pseuds/Nazezdha321
Summary: The team receives a call at 2am from Agent May after Tahiti.Later, the funeral.Some major spoilers for season 5/6 in case you haven’t seen them.





	All But One

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my beloved sister, just because you’re awesome.

**Mack’s** **POV**

It was two in the morning, and most people would assume that Director Mackenzie would be asleep by now, or at least in his bed. But he was in his office, because he had work to do. He was surprised when he heard the knock on his door. Mack looked up. It was Piper.

”Come in,” He said. She walked in, and started to cry. Mack got up and put an arm around her, wondering why Piper was crying but not daring to ask why. “Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Piper dried her eyes. 

“We got a call,” Piper said. “From May. A request for extraction. It literally only said ‘extraction’ and that’s it.” Mack nodded. He didn’t know what to say. Coulson was gone, then. And Tremors didn’t know, and may was probably so alone and what would Coulson do? (Yo-Yo had made this into an acronym and hung it on Mack’s wall: WWCD? HWGMTKSA which stood for What Would Coulson Do? He Would Get May To Kick Someone’s Ass). 

“Will you get Yo-Yo, Daisy, Simmons, and I’ll get Davis to fly?” He asked.

”Thank you,” Mack replied, and he walked off the get Davis while Piper went to get the girls. But Mack couldn’t shake the image of what Tremors’ face would look like when she was told her father was dead.

”I’ll hold up the fort here,” Piper whispered, “while you’re gone. And Davis I’ll stay on the plane. We made a pact, a while ago.” Mack nodded and went to get Davis.

**Daisy’s** **POV**

She woke up to Simmons, Piper, and Yo-Yo at her side. All of them had tears in their eyes.

“What happened?” Daisy asked, sitting up in the darkness.

“He’s gone, Daisy,” Simmons whispered, “he’s gone.”

And just like that, Daisy’s glass world cracked into a million pieces, the last shred of light in her world left dark.

**Jemma’s** **POV**

They were on the Quinjet, sitting in silence. Jemma knew Daisy was far off in a world of her own making, trying not to fall apart. She knew that May would be an absolute disaster once they got there. Mack was trying to be strong. Yo-Yo was trying to convince him that it was okay for him not to be.

Jemma didn’t know what to think. The truth, she guessed, hadn’t sunk in it, though it surely would. The sun was beginning to peek above the clouds, and she knew that they would be arriving soon. She certainly didn’t feel like she did when Fitz had died. That tore a hole in her soul, erased part of her from existence.

Was that was Daisy and May were feeling?

Jemma figured, absolutely.

“We’re here,” Davis murmured, then in a slightly louder voice he repeated the words. He landed on the soft sand and the ramp extended, leaving everyone to look at the pretty beach house with the woman on the porch.

**Daisy’s** **POV**

May was standing on the porch, looking at the rising sun. The wind was blowing her hair to the right and her dress -

Melinda May had a dress.

Daisy would have been giddy with delight under different circumstances.

She had bare feet and a white sundress that had spaghetti straps, showing off her tanned shoulders. But one look at her face told Daisy everything. She was shattered, in many more pieces than a Daisy herself. The light was dim in her eyes, her gaze was far off into the stance, and there were no tears.

May was too sad to cry.

“May?” Daisy called, running up the steps to the porch. She hugged her tightly, and he older woman returned the hug, but her strength was gone. Her iron grip was weary.

“Oh, May,” Simmons said sadly as tears made her way down her face. She enveloped them both in her hug, and then Yo-Yo joined them, and finally Mack. May’s face was stone.

“He’s...” May said, and her voice wavered. She took in a breath. “... this way.” She opened the door and they followed her. Daisy saw a few pictures, the kitchen, but she didn’t look at anything else. She couldn’t feel anything.

Was this how May was after Bahrain?

Was this how Daisy had been after Lincoln?

Would Daisy always feel this way?

Would May?

May opened the door, and Coulson was there. Laying on the bed, his eyes closed, wearing his Captain America shirt. Daisy started to cry all over again and May fell to the floor. Mack and Yo-Yo went to Coulson’s side, and Simmons managed to get Daisy and May up.

“It was in his sleep,” May whispered, her voice cracking with raw pain. “I woke up and he was gone.” Daisy sat by her side as Simmons gently sat her down to talk to Yo-Yo and Mack. Daisy couldn’t bear to look at Coulson’s face.

“May,” Daisy said, “May, I need you.”

“I know,” May replied quietly.

“I need him.”

“I do too.”

“Did he leave you a letter?” Daisy asked. “I haven’t read mine. Yet.” May nodded. They sat next to once another, just sitting there.

“Daisy? May? Would you like to go get cleaned up?” Simmons asked quietly. “Yo-Yo and Mack will take him back to the Quinjet.” May shook her head. Daisy grabbed her hand.

“The ocean,” May said, “one more time.” Daisy nodded. Simmons followed them out of the screen door in the bedroom. They walked down the back porch, and towards the waves. Daisy was wearing leggings and a T-shirt, and Simmons was wearing what Coulson used to call ‘scientist style’ but it didn’t matter.

May walked into the waves, ignoring the freezing water and the wet fabric clinging to her skin. Daisy felt the rush of waves, imagined that Coulson was there next to her as the sun rose, and for one moment she was okay. And the next, she changed like the waves, drawing away from everyone as May walked deeper until she was waist deep (which wasn’t actually that deep, Daisy knew, because May was a short person).

“May?” Simmons asked.

“Come back,” May whispered, “come back, I still need you.” The tears started to fall, mixed with the salt water on her face. Daisy stood next to her. She heard Mack call them from the shore. But today it was just Daisy and May, alone, because Coulson was gone.

**May’s** **POV**

Cold.

Walk back.

Sticky sand.

House.

Bathroom.

Different dress. Coulson’s favorite dress.

Walk out.

Walk back.

Metal floor.

Cold.

Everything is cold.

The world is colder without Coulson’s warmth.

The darkness is darker without Coulson’s light.

Fly.

Fly.

Fly to the Lighthouse.

Land.

Staring.

A lot of staring.

Mack carries the bag.

Coulson.

In the bag.

Everyone is staring.

Cold.

Walk to bunk.

Alone.

Bed.

Collapse.

Wait to die.

Wait to go home, because Coulson is home.

Alone.

Cold.

Darkness.

Too much darkness.

**Jemma’s POV**

The truth hit Jemma like a wave of ice, as soon as Mack laid Coulson’s body in the morgue. She breathed in and out.

”I can’t do it,” She told Mack. He nodded. 

“I know,” Mack said. “I’ll have one of your agents.”

”Do we have plans for the funeral?” Jemma asked softly. Mack nodded.

”Two funerals. One for the agents, one for us. The big funeral should take place in a few days. Coulson and I planned it a few days before he threw his phone in the water,” Mack said, smiling grimly at the memory. “I’m worried about Daisy and May.”

”I can’t pull either of them in for a psyche eval, not until they’re... more or less at peace,” Jemma said, wiping the tears that came, because she knew that she wasn’t at peace at all with anyone’s death, Fitz or Coulson.

”What about Fitz?” Mack asked quietly.

”Piper and Davis volunteered, and I know Daisy will. I’m having engineers retrofit the Zephyr, and we’ll be ready to go in about three weeks,” Jemma reported. Mack nodded. He put a hand on her shoulder.

”We’ll get him back, Simmons,” He told her.

”Yes,” Jemma said, “we will.” Because that was Coulson’s last order. Because she couldn’t live in a world without Fitz. Because she was Simmons, and he was Fitz, and they were FitzSimmons.

**Daisy’s POV **

There was a knock on her bunk door. Daisy checked who it was, and saw with relief that it was May, still in the sundress she had changed into. Daisy needed May right now. She opened the door.

”I’m not strong enough to let go,” May whispered.

”Why would you let go?” Daisy asked, motioning for her to come sit down next to her on the bed. 

“Because I need to be strong. I lied before, when I said he died in his sleep,” May confessed, voice quivering. “He woke me up. Told me he was going to die, right then. He told me that you would need me, that I was the strongest person he knew. To be strong. He told me... he was everything he was because of me, me and you. And more, but I c-can’t remember.” Daisy nodded, water spilling down her cheeks. 

“You’re wearing a dress,” She said through tears, trying to cheer up May. “When we got there’s, you were, and you are now.”

”He loved this dress,” May said. “And he loved me and you.”

”And we love him, and we always will.”

**Elena’s POV**

Coulson’s death was an example of what Elena’s mother had called _este__ vida trágica_, which translated to “this tragic life” and Elena’s mother said it whenever bad things happened to good people or good things happened to bad people. But Coulson’s death wasn’t just tragic for him, it was tragic for all those who loved him. 

“Yo-Yo?” asked Mack, knocking on her door. It was closed, but Elena knew it was him by the sound of his voice. She ran over and opened the door, then returned to her seat at her desk, where she was reading the letter Coulson left her.

”_Sí_,” She replied. Mack walked in, standing behind her and rubbing her shoulders that now ached with the strain of supporting heavy metal limbs. “Are you reading over my shoulder?”

”No,” Mack said. “... I’m worried I won’t be as good a leader as he was.”

”He wouldn’t have appointed you if he thought you wouldn’t be better than him,” Elena said. “My mother used to tell me ‘_partes de mí son partes de ti’.”_

“Pieces of me are pieces of you?” Mack asked. Elena smiled. 

“I keep forgetting you’re better at Spanish now,” She said. “Coulson is a piece of all of us. No matter how big, or how small, he’s with us. And he will guide you.”

”When did you become so wise?”

”_No sé. _Simmons told me to take this test where lovers of this book were sorted into different Houses,” Elena explained.

”Harry Potter? You never read Harry Potter?”

“I don’t know what that is. There are four houses. One is for the witty and wise, one for the brave and old, one for the cunning and ambitious, and one for the just and loyal. Apparently I’m in the one for the brave and bold.”

”Gryffindor,” Mack recalled. “Where the fighters are. The witty and wise thing about Ravenclaw is bullshit, too. It’s for the FitzSimmons kids out there. And the cunning and ambitious Slytherin is for all the Ward people, and the just and loyal and kind House, Hufflepuff, is for... well, for the people like me, according to that test.”

”You’re a fighter,” Elena protested. 

“Well, not by choice. What’s the point of this anyway?”

“That just because people fit into categories doesn’t mean they stay there,” Elena replied, and turned her face up to look at his. “Coulson could have been a Hufflepuff, or a Ravenclaw, or a Gryffindor, or a Slytherin.”

Mack kissed her lightly. 

“He was absolutely a Hufflepuff,” Mack muttered, and Elena swatted him. 

**Mack’s POV**

Mack was carrying the coffin down the aisle in the main room in the Lighthouse, where almost every SHIELD agent was sitting. Mack carried it along with Hunter, Bobbi (who had come for the funeral at Daisy’s request) Simmons, Daisy, and Yo-Yo. May could barely stand on her own; all of her fighting spirit seemed to temporarily gone. Mack was in the front left next to Tremors, Yo-Yo was behind him, Simmons was behind Daisy, Piper was behind Yo-Yo, and Davis was behind Tremors. Mack didn’t bother to hide his tears, as everyone else was crying but May.

May’s face was ashen, completely devoid of emotion. She was the only one not wearing black. Daisy had insisted that she wear Coulson’s favorite dress or something like that. It was completely white and similar to one Mack knew he had seen before, but he didnt know where. As for Tremors... her tears were the most filled with sadness out of all of them. She was wearing a simple black dress with a badge: the SHIELD badge Coulson had given her when she joined, or that’s what Simmons said.

Once they set down the coffin, Mack walked to his seat next to Tremors and Yo-Yo, who was wearing black pants and a black blouse.

”Dress?” He asked quietly. 

“Reserved for moments of happiness,” She murmured back. “This... is not one.” The first speaker was Simmons, her hair held back with a black headband, in a black blouse and pants, twisting her wedding ring anxiously as she read from a piece of paper and tears fell down her face.

”I had just graduated from the Academy when I went to a recruitment meeting with Agent Coulson,” Simmons started. “I went with Fitz. And I remember how we were both so excited, as it Phil Coulson, one of Director Fury’s second-in-commands. We weren’t high enough in rank to know that he shouldn’t have been alive, or that he had met the Avengers. But Fitz and I were both looking for somewhere to belong. We were the youngest Academy graduates - well, actually I am, as I’m a month younger than Fitz - and so far, we were socially indadept. Actually, I think we still are. But Coulson came and introduced us to a new place. Friends. Family. And more than that, he brought us together. He was the father that Fitz and Daisy never had, the husband that May wanted, and the leader that Mack, Yo-Yo and I needed. And in Fitz and I’s darkest times, the times when we were stuck at the bottom of the ocean or facing each other’s worst selves or becoming monsters in a virtual reality simulation or stuck in the future and enslaved by an alien sociopath or... well, I suppose you get the gist. At times like this, I remember Coulson and what he taught us, and the last order he gave me. The order to find Fitz, because he knew that’s what I needed. He didn’t know what everyone needed, but eventually he’d figure it out. So I suppose I’ll just say thank you, sir, and I hope you got the peace you always deserved.”

If Mack hadn’t already been crying, he was positive that he would have been, and they still had more obituaries to read. Hunter walked up to the stage, dressed surprisingly modestly in a suit like Mack’s. He smiled a bittersweet smile.

“I’m not going to say that Coulson was as important to me as the rest of you, because he sure as hell wasn’t. But he was a decent man, and a better leader, and a better mate. And it’s not bloody fair that he died. And I wouldn’t know any of you heathens if not for him - not that I’m complaining. Coulson raised everybody up around him. But if you look at the people whose lives he touched five years ago, and them now, their lives are better. My life is better. I’ve gone from an idiotic, irresponsible, immature drunk to an idiotic, irresponsible, immature drunk with friends. And that’s putting it mildly. And I’m sure you have a lot more to say than that. But like I said - my life’s better because of Coulson and his lot. So tonight I’m drinking to Coulson, like I’ve done a bloody million times since Bobbi and I left. And not just because I drink a lot,” Hunter added. And at that, he sat down next to Bobbi and put his arm around her shoulder. 

Yo-Yo got up, and Mack gave her an encouraging half-smile. She walked up to Coulson’s coffin, patted it twice, then stood at the podium. 

“We have many sayings in Columbia,” She told the crowd of assembles SHIELD agents. “And I’m not going to list them all. But we’ve got one that translates to _spend your life making the world a better place to live for those that follow. _It’s a rough translation, and not as poetic as it is in Spanish. But this is Coulson. When I became an Inhuman, I tried to take the guns off my streets, stop guns for hurting people. And Coulson gave me a team. A place to sleep. And a gun of my own for the next time that aliens or evil robots or crazy parents or even more aliens showed up. And he gave me a chance. Everyone else would have said to lock me up. Even kill me, for why bother with the mess of providing for this _fenómena_, this _alma sin alma_. But Coulson saw something. I don’t know what. But he brought me here. Had May teach me to fight. Gave me friends and family. I don’t know what a world without Coulson will look like. But I do think we are ready to face it, because he taught us too.” She exited the stage. 

“Good job memorizing it,” Mack told her, not seeing a paper with her. He hadn’t known what to say until this morning, and as such had no time to read it over before they had to prepare.

”I made it up. Spoke from the heart, like my mother always told me to,” Yo-Yo whispered. Mack just shook his head as one of his best friends walked up to stage. 

“I never thought I’d be back here,” Bobbi said. “Of course, I never thought I’d leave. It’s interesting how things like that happen? The exact opposite of what you thought your life would turn out to be is what happened. I never thought that the homeless kid who lived in a van would become one of my friends, or that the kind, peacekeeping mechanic would become the Director of SHIELD. And I never thought I’d marry Hunter. I saw the divorce coming, but not the marriage.”

Mack smiled at that, despite the circumstances. 

“And I never thought I’d live in a world without Phil Coulson. When we got the news about New York, it was devastating. And then we slowly but surely move down on. Then SHIELD fell. SHIELD was my life. I had exactly one friend outside of SHIELD. I had no family outside of SHIELD. But when I got the call, I took it. And not just because Gonzalez told me to. I took it because deep down, I knew I didn’t really believe in SHIELD without Phil Coulson. We’d all heard legendary stories about him - the unforgettable Christmas parties, the favored kid of Director Fury - but the one that struck me the most was when his plane went down, which actually happened a lot now that I think about it. Coulson’s plane went down with a few assets and a SHIELD team. And he didn’t lose his head! He stayed calm, and he broke the rules to get everyone out of the plane because he knew they were being tailed. SHIELD protocol says to stay there, but Coulson didn’t. He didn’t sit still. And everyone made it out alive. So regardless of whether Phil Coulson is alive or dead, you know he’s here. Probably giving out ghost hugs and quoting ‘Star Wars’,” Bobbi laughed while she had tears on her face. There was a quiet echo as others copied, and Mack saw Daisy smile sadly. 

Mack stood up with his paper and asked to the podium, drying his eyes so he could read and glancing at the coffin. He cleared his throat awkwardly. 

“Coulson was a good guy. That’s nothing you don’t know. But he made sure that everybody felt welcome, a part of his crew. Every time I saw him, he’d ask me how my day was going. And I’d say fine, what about you, and all that. And every day, he’d say, my day could be better, but it’s not bad. People usually use ‘could be better’ as a negative thing, but Coulson used it as a possibility. How’s your day going after we just got out of a virtual reality racist state? Could be better, but it’s not bad. How’s your day going after we just went into the future? Could be better, but it’s not bad. The only time he told me a different answer was a few months ago. How’s your day going when you just found out May was replaced by a robot? And he looked at me and said, what do you think, Mack? And then when I got handed Directorship, he put a little hologram thing on my desk that plays a recording of him giving advice. I look at it every day. And every day it asks me, how’s your day going? And every day I say, fine. And every day, holo-Coulson tells me that his could be better but it’s not bad. And then it does the ‘Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi; you’re my only hope’ because that’s something Coulson always liked to do,” Mack said. A few people chuckled. “So yeah, he’s gone. And every day, our days could be better, but they’re not bad. There’s always one thing that make sure it not bad. Maybe it’s a person. Maybe it’s a feeling. Maybe you kicked somebody’s ass and it felt really good. But when I look around the room, I see people mourning Coulson’s death and celebrating his life. That’s what makes today not bad: we’re celebrating the lives he lived, the people he touched, and the impact he maiden from the shadows.”

A polite and quiet round of applause accompanied Mack to his seat. 

“Who is that?” Yo-Yo asked, motioning to the black man getting up to the podium. 

“That’s... Nick Fury,” Daisy said in wonder. “Trench coat, eye patch... that’s him. OR at least it fits Coulson’s description.”

”If anybody asks, I wasn’t here,” started Nick Fury. “But unofficially, I _am _here, and that’s because Coulson died. He knew damn well that this wasn’t how he’d go out, too. Not fighting, but by sacrificing himself for a greater cause. Twice, the son of a bitch managed to sacrifice himself. I’ve been to two funerals for this man. Some of you are new to me - Director Mackenzie, Agent Johnson, the rest. And some of you have done this all before - Agent May, Agent Calderone, a few more.” An agent behind Mack looked up briefly. He nodded once to Fury. “Everything that everyone’s said is true. He was a good man. He was unbearably quoting _Star Wars _any time he could. And he did name his car Lola.”

”It’s an acronym,” Tremors muttered, and Mack looked at her. “It is. He told me.”

”So I’m not going to to say much, because I’ve said it all before. But I am going to say this: Phil Coulson was a stand-up man. It doesn’t get much better than that. He idolized Steve Rogers, because like minds think alike. If Captain America can be a hero - hell, if _Romanoff _is a hero - than Phil Coulson is one, too.” 

“How’d he get in here?” Mack asked quietly.

“He’s Nick Fury,” Hunter replied. “Probably has a bloody secret elevator.” Daisy waited until Fury was gone to walk up to the podium, tears all over her face. 

“When I changed my name to Daisy Johnson, after I realized my name _was _Daisy Johnson, it took about a week for everyone to stop calling me Skye. Except for Coulson. It took him, like two years to stop calling me Skye. And he still did it! I never knew why until now,” She said, then took a five-second break to wipe her eyes. “It was because when he knew me as Skye, I was alone and scared and I wanted a family. And as Daisy, I was formidable and less badass than May but still sort of badass and I was kind of an independent bitch for a while there. But Coulson was always the constant presence. Simmons got kidnapped like four times, Fitz got thrown out of an airplane and got brain damage, Ward turned out to be a spy, and May was absolutely terrifying. No offense. I mean, you’re awesome but... terrifying.”

May nodded. 

“And Coulson was just there. He took a pretty big risk on me. I know May probably told him not to.”

May nodded again.

“And when we dropped Coulson and May off in Tahiti, I knew I wouldn’t see him again. But it still hurts to know he’s gone. And then I remembered something that a friend of mine told me. She said that we - meaning the Agents of SHIELD - are special. That we never have to say goodbye. I know she probably coined that from someone else. So I’m not saying goodbye. I’m saying that I’ll see you soon, and I miss you so much,” Daisy said, tears running down her face and staining her paper. May hugged her tight as she sat down.

Everyone grabbed the glass from beneath their chair. Daisy looked surprised to find one beneath hers.

“Here’s to us,” Mack called from his seat in a stroke of inspiration. Simmons, who recognized what he was doing, replied,

”Who’s like us?” 

“Damn few,” May called back, just loud enough to be heard. 

“That’s what Coulson said,” Yo-Yo murmured to Mack. He smiled.

”Yeah, he stole that from a movie,” He told her.

”Ten bucks says he did it better,” Yo-Yo replied.

”I’m not taking that bet.”

**Daisy’s POV**

**Two Days Later**

Daisy had barely gotten over the first funeral, and now they were here to bury him. They were in River’s End, the small town next to the Lighthouse, because Daisy and May had wanted to be able to walk to his grave if they wanted to, rather than have to fly out. 

“Come on,” Simmons said, tugging her arm. They hadn’t worn all black, due to the fact that they were supposed to be incognito, though May was, because May always wore black. Otherwise, Yo-Yo had a striped sweater, Mack had a navy blue long-sleeved shirt and jeans, Daisy had a graphic T-shirt advertising Captain America, Simmons had a collared shirt and sweater, Bobbi had a pink sweater, and Hunter had a black shirt and jeans. Bobbi and Hunter weren’t supposed to be in public with SHIELD, so they both had suitcases. They left the grave and walked to a car. 

May stood and stared at the name in cursive: _Philip Coulson_. They couldn’t add his middle name, or anything to distinguish him from any other Philip Coulson, because Agent Philip J. Coulson of SHIELD already had a grave, far from the Lighthouse, empty. 

“May,” Daisy said, gesturing to the others to let them have a moment. “We have to go.” May laid a bouquet of flowers on the grave - white daisies, tied in a blue, red, and white ribbon. 

“I don’t want to leave,” May whispered. The _him _was left unsaid. She didn’t want to leave him. “I’m sorry. I’m coming.” She shook her head and left. Daisy looked at the grave. She laid a small replica of Cap’s shield on the grave, right on top of the flowers. 

“We’ll be okay,” She promised.

Then the agents of SHIELD left, all but one, to go home. 

**Author's Note:**

> First fic!!!
> 
> Please leave comments, you can be critical if you want to. 
> 
> Sorry about angst, but in my defense, I’m an angst-ridden teenager who can’t confront her own inner demons and takes it out on fictional characters instead.
> 
> Cheers!


End file.
